Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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