i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
