My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
