A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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