Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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