i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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