with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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