I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
