Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
