so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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