matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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