My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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