we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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