She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cut my penus on the lid.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
