That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
