Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
