Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
