Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
