1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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