you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
