i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
