I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
