I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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