Plan B is the new Plan A
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
