Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
