Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
