shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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