Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
