oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
