You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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