He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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