Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
