I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
