My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
