why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
