So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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