This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
