guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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