are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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