This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
