He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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