I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
