xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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