i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
