Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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