I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
