i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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