Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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