i think my tv is drunk
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am one with the molecules
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
