glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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