There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
His nipple licking is glorious
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