Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
